Rory's Mind
by pauliya
Summary: Rory Gilmore is 18 and she is invisible to the world. Decided to start her own life she leaves her father and goes to New York.
1. No second thoughts

I've used the Evanescence song "missing" as the letter Rory writtes to her father.

I own nothing related to the gilmore girls, Please R&R!

**No second thoughts**

_Please, please forgive me… but I wont be home again._

_Maybe someday you'll look up and barely conscious you'll say to no one: Isn´t something missing?_

_You won't cry for my absence, I know you forgot me long ago. Am I that unimportant? Am I so insignificant?? Isn´t someone missing me?…_

_Even though I'm the sacrifice, you won't try for me, not now, though I'd die to know you loved me, I'm all alone…_

_I know what you do to yourself, I breathe deep and cry out:_

_"Isn't something missing?, Isn't someone missing me?"_

_And if I bleed, I'll bleed, knowing you don't care. and if I sleep just to dream of you, I'll wake without you there._

_Isn't something missing?… In case you care, that would be me._

_Goodbye._

Those were the most sincere words Rory Gilmore told her father, they were also the last, and it was in a form of a letter.

Rory lived all her life with her father Chris, and she was invisible. All her life her father supplied food, books and all kinds of needs that fitted in a house, but he didnt gave her a home.

She doesnt talk to the world because it wont listen. In Rory's eyes what she had to say or do had no interest in this world, she was worthless, and she learnt to live with it. Actually, she had no problem with it at all, the world wont listen to her, fine, but she will listen to the world, to every single word, and she will learn something out of it.

Chris was the person who ignored her the most, and thats why the day she turned eighteen she decided there was more to see and it was time to make her own little world a little bigger.

She didnt even have to climb out the window. She knew it was a big cliché, but in the back of her mind she wished she had to take some kind of precaution in order to not get caugh. But unfortunately she only had to cross the front door, with a suitcase rolling behind her, and his father at perfect sight, watching television. She left the letter in the table of the lobby, turned her head to look at his father and mouthed "goodbye, Chris"

She walked throught the town, with her suitcase, wich happened to be almost bigger than her, and climbed on a bus. No one noticed.

So she sitted on the last seat, looked at the window, took the most deep and slow breath she could, and as she exaled the biggest smile covered all her face.

5:12 pm Rory Gilmore starts again, "Citius, Altius, Fortius", that sweet motto running through her head over and over again. It was like opening a new book, carefully smeeling its pages, or putting on her headphones to listen a song she knew she never heard before. She would taste it, every beat of it, memorizing every tree that lined the roads, or the number of passengers that traveled with her.

After a few hours the bus stoped in the New york bus station, and as she always did, took the last breath of air of her old hometown that was still floating on the bus, and held it until she was out of it, to exale it into New York and breath for the first time the air of her new home. It was like two places shaking hands through this girl's limbs, an old habbit she will never lose.

She left her suitcase in a loker of the station, leaving with only 70 dollars in her left pocket, a cell phone and her mp3. She doesn't like to walk with a lot of stuff, just what she know she will need. She saw every street, walked every sideway until she found a café that caugh her interest. This is they way she acted, she wouldnt rationalize, she will act as her soul told her to, without giving it a second thought.

So with no hesitation she stepped into the small café and went straight to the counter.

The place was clean and with new fourniture, very colorful and with a lot of light, the offsping blasting through the speakers. Rory's soul always new what was good, and this place was definitely a good one.

A blond girl with a warm smile was leaning on the counter, reading a magazine. She looked at Rory and her smile grew wider.

"Hi! How can I help you"

Her energy could amuse anyone, but to rory it was like the fluel to keep her in that small café.

"Hi, actually I'm new in this town and looking for a job, Can you help me?"

This new girl was shooked at first but inmediately a devil grin appeared in her face.

"I'll ask a question a you have to answer, with no hesitation, no questions asked"

"ok." No hesitation, good start.

"Where are you from?"

"Connecticut."

"How old are you?"

"Eighteen."

"where are your parents?"

"My father is in Connecticut, I have no mother."

"Isn´t he looking for you?"

"No."

"do you like coffe?"

"Yes."

"Favourite music group?"

"Lostprophets, Korn, Offspring, beatles, System of a Down, the Doors, The wallflowers, The killers-"

"Hired."

"ok, when do I start?"

"now, get in here so i can show you around."

And with the same nonchalant face she had all the time, Rory got behind the counter and smiled and this girl.

She smiled back and offered her hand.

"I'm Lily Watkins"

"I'm Rory Gilmore"

"How long have you been here?"

Rory nonchantally took her cellphone out of her pocket and checked the hour.

"three hours and tweenty minutes"

"wow, you are one determined person… you haven't been here for four hours and you alreay have a job, I like you" She gave Rory a big gooffy grin and she smiled warmly back at her. "do you have somewhere to live?"

"I'm not so determined" She said smiling at lily.

Lily laughed at her comment and clapped her hands cheerfully jumping up and down

"Well, now you do!, you're staying here. There a little appartment upstairs, it has everything you need to live until you can find something on your own. Plus this way you can open in the morning and I don't have to get up early!! It's a win win for everybody!"

Rory laugh at her, relieved that she wont have to spend all her money in a hotel room.

This was definitely a good start for her new life.


	2. First Day of my life

It took her forever to take the suitcase to the café

It took her forever to take the suitcase to the café. Lily gave her the keys and left home. It was actually surprising that in the middle of New York someone would give the keys of their business to a girl they just met, but again, Rory had no plan in life and there she was, if she would have to be shocked by something, that would be her own behavior.

She immediately smiled a little at this thought and took all the strength she could to take the huge suitcase through the awful 12 steps to the door of her new house.

When she opened the door she found a small place decorated almost exactly as the café, but it had less furniture. There was a door at the end of the room that led to a smaller one with a shockingly big bed.

She left the suitcase on the floor, and bending in her knees she carefully opened it. The clothes occupied very little room in it, a couple of shirts, some pants and a bunch of underwear. She was never very in style, clothing was something you had to have in order not to get arrested on the street, but the other contents of the suitcase… those were her life.

There was books and cd's piled up, and also papers, tons of papers, with lyrics written on it, or draws, thoughts, colors, sounds… all those notebooks and papers screamed her name no matter how you looked at them.

The years of self-isolation had led to a lot of conversations with herself, and in order to keep her mind sane, she started pouring everything that came into her head into paper, and the result was her suitcase.

She carefully brushed her fingertips against every notebook, pondering whether or not get the stuff out of the suitcase. since she didn't knew how much time she's going to spend there she wasn't sure if this place should be established as her new home, and getting her personal stuff out of the suitcase would immediately make this place her first home.

After a few minutes of deliberation she got some sheets and the last notebook out of the suitcase and closed it tight.

"so much to tell tonight…" and with all the material she needed, pens, crayons, music blasting out of the mp3, and a glass of water, she sited on the couch and opened up her mind for hours.

The next morning she opened the café as promised. Not knowing exactly what to do she started the coffee machine and started wandering though all the cabinets, placing in her mind where everything was.

She looked at the clock, it was nine now, it's been an hour since she opened the café and there was no sing of lily.

"She really is trusting…"

She figured that if lily confided this place to her as if it was her own, she will definably acted like she owned it, so she plugged her mp3 to the speakers and played Green day rather loud.

As the lyrics of Dookie started panging out of the speakers someone entered the café.

Rory looked up from the book she was reading when she noticed the steps coming closer to her. She had a weird feeling on her stomach the moment he saw him. The kind of feeling you get when you're about to meet with an old friend, or when you see your idol on the street. She couldn't place what it was, she didn't know what attraction was, but never the less she brushed the feeling aside and closed the book ready to attend her first costumer.

When he got to the counter he frowned looking at her

"Who are you?"

"Rory Gilmore, Who are you?"

"A costumer, do you ask all your costumers their names?"

"I don't know, do you ask all the waiters their names?"

There was a pause while he pondered if he found her rudeness cute or annoying.

"wheres lily?"

"I don't know"

Ok, annoying, he let a frustrated sight, and she kept staring at him nonchalantly, after a few moments of silence she decided to ignoring him and went back to her book.

He just stood there, not knowing exactly what to do, this all seemed like april fool's day and he was thrown out of balance.

"Can you give me a coffee please?" he asked more softly this time.

Satisfied with his change of manners she looked up and casted a big smile

"Coming right up!"

Once again, he was shocked by this weird girl's behavior

"ok…"

in that moment, Lily appeared into the café, with her sunglasses on and practically floating at the feeling of not being so attached to her business.

"goooood morning everybody!"

Jess turned back and looked pointedly at lily

"Where the hell have you been, who is this?" he said pointing at his back, at Rory.

"Jesse, have you been mean to my girl? I know you don't like new people but I thought I had taught you some manners"

In that moment Rory placed the coffee in front of Jess and went back to her book, expecting to be invisible once again.

Jess looked at her and in that second felt like a jerk "Thanks… hey I'm sorry i acted liked that, I wasn't expecting a new waitress, Lily hasn't hired anyone since i know her"

"No problem" she said slowly without even looking up from her book. Lily smiled at her and jess frowned. Not used to receive such a cold treatment from a girl he took this as a challenge.

"Hey do you wanna make yourself a coffee and have breakfast with us, we always sit at that table an-"

"I don't have breakfast, thank you"

"You don't have breakfast…" he said stunned

She looked up from the book for the first time "exactly"

He stared at her for a couple of seconds until he snapped out of it determined. "ok no, that's not good" he mumbled as he made his way behind the counter as he owned the place and took the book out of Rory's hands, "Grimm brothers, I've read it before, its crap" he said as he threw the book in the air and went to the kitchen "come on, go sit, I'll make breakfast and take that stupid idea of no having breakfast out of your head"

Rory looked at the kitchen door shocked while lily leaned in the counter smiling. Once Jess was out of sight she went to pick up the book.

"Leave the book on the floor!" he shouted as he could see her, scaring her and making lily laugh "Go sit!"

"ok…" A very freaked Rory went to sit next to lily who was know in one of the tables.

"thank you honey, you not only made my day with this little scene but you also got more than two lines out of that boys mouth" Lily said still laughing at her.

After a few minutes, Jess got out of the kitchen with three plates stuffed with food, and put them on the table. He sited next to Lily and passed a place to Rory.

"Try"

She took a bite of the food and started chewing, when she looked up she found both of them staring expectantly at her.

"its…good"

She hesitated not knowing what to say. Jess frowned and leaned back

"Just good?"

"I'm sorry, I'm not a big food fan…"

Both Jess and Lily gasped in a dramatic way and looked horrified at the girl.

"how can you not like food??" Lily asked with a shock look in her face

"It´s not that I don't like food, is just that… It's just food you know?" Rory trying to explain not knowing what the big deal was

"Ok, are you telling me that when you tastes your mother´s food you don't feel something inside" Jess asked, a second before he was forcefully beated in the ribs by lily "ouch! What??"

"I don't have a mother" Rory said brushing it off.

"Oh, I´m sorry" Jess said not knowing how to proceed exactly. "well are you planning on staying here a long time?"

"I don't know…" Rory said frowning.

"Well make up your mind girl because this cutie here makes the best food ever, you´ll learn to love food" Lily said pointing at Jess.

Rory smiled at the craziness of this two people. When she went to New York, she expected to be alone and safe with herself. Not she was sucked into this crazy world called Lily´s café.


	3. What is a home

They ate their breakfast slowly, with lily ranting about everything and anything. Rory listened to her, fascinated by this girl's ability to just talk. Jess in the other hand was fascinated with Rory, and the glow of mystery that floated around her. He would stare shyly at her, trying not to get caught, he could she her face change expressions as lily talk and was completely amuse by her fascination with lily's rant, even though she was talking about m&m´s and how she despised the green ones, because they remind her of lemmings and thought that by eating them she would get infected with lemmings stupidity. Rory listened as she was being told the emplacement of the Holy Grail.

Just then a new customer enters the café and Rory got her plate and went behind the counter without another world.

Lily abruptly ended her speech knowing Rory was her only audience, when she turned to look at Jess she saw his expression, a slight smile on his lips, and his constant staring at the new girl and immediately hit him in the shoulder so Jess could snap out of it

"Ouch! What's with you!?"

"No, no, what is with YOU? I've never see you staring a girl like that unless they were undressed…. Oh my god you like her!"

"She's hot, I could do her…" he said shrugging.

"If you wanted to do her you would already started your flirting, but you are actually paying attention to her… you like-like her!" Lily said amused by her new discover. Jess was a one-night stand guy, he never had any kind of interest in a girl that wasn't just sexual. But this time he seemed thrown out of balance by this new girl, and Lily couldn't do anything but laugh.

"Shut up, I just think she's a weirdo" he said annoyed because Lily could read him so well and tried to get the idea out of Lily's head. But he got caught once again when he noticed that after serving the costumer his coffee, Rory got the book he had thrown out of her hands before, and sit behind the counter to begin with her reading without even looking at the table. He frowned and couldn't hide a face of slight disappointment.

"Yeah, right…" Lily said, dropping the matter and going behind the counter with Rory.

"Hey, do we have a cook? Because this guy here just wanted a coffee but I'm guessing other people will want actual food right?"

"Yes I am the cook. Actually I usually was the cook the waitress the dj and the soul of this café, but now I have you and this place is no longer lily's café, its lily's… with someone else and-"

"So you cook right?" Rory said trying to stop her from babbling because she looked like she was about to cry.

"Yes, don't worry I'll do all the inside thing you just have to be stand here all pretty and give only one sugar paper per coffee" she said pointedly at Rory.

"When do I get off? I need to look for apartments"

"So soon? You don't like my place upstairs?" Lily frowned with disappointment

"No it's not that at all! Is just that I want to get settled, get my own place and fill it with my things you know?

"I know. Well I usually close at seven unless the place it's crowded but you can come and go whenever you want as long as you let me know first."

"Ok cool" with that she went back to her book

"How are you gonna pay it? I mean I didn't even told you how much you earn and it's the beginning of the month"

"I have money saved. I've been planning to come here since I was twelve, so I did a couple of jobs at summers to get the money"

"Oh… I tried to do that once but whenever I had more than fifty bucks in my pocket I would go to the market and buy al the junk food I could" she said with dreamy eyes.

After finishing his pancakes Jess stood from the table and shouted at lily he was leaving.

"So..." Lily started mischievously "What do you think of my friend?"

"Jess? He seems nice I guess…" Rory said shrugging

"You think he's cute?" lily grinned like a schoolgirl, and Rory couldn't do a thing but laugh nervously

"Well I guess he's handsome" Lily raised and eyebrow "ok I think he's very cute, so what? Is it a crime?"

"No not a all…" she said as she turned to get into the kitchen "It's better than you think" she whispered by the door.

During the rest of the week Rory would get out at seven, making sure that it was ok with lily, and went apartment haunting. She loved walking alone in the city, and sometimes she felt like the searching for a place to live was just an excuse to go out and smell the air of New York, talking to the city, making it her home.

All the days of the week, Jess would show up at ten and go to the kitchen to make breakfast for the three of them, and all the days of the week, they would have breakfast slowly talking about everything. Sometimes just random chat, others getting to know each other. They kind of made it a morning ritual, and Rory was very pleased to be a part of something as special as this. The problem is, Rory wouldn't talk much, she would mostly listen, how Lily was given the café from his father when he passed away, and her mother was living a second life in Bahamas. How Jess had a runaway dad in California who he despised, and a Junkie mother at the other side of the city, who he pitied. That co-owned a publishing house with two other guys just across the street, and he happened to have one of the most succeeding bookstores at the publishing house. But she would never talk, partly because her life didn't have much to tell, and in the other side because she felt like when she talked she would be boring people to no end and so she had to stop and wish for some of them to start talking about something else.

But in Jess and Lily's eyes, Rory kept with her a lot of her life because she was just the mystery girl they met the first day and she didn't want to open up to them. They couldn't be more wrong, She wishes se could talk for hours and hours about her feelings, her past, her dreams… but she just keeps feeling like one boring ordinary girl.

The Tuesday of her second week in New York, Rory got out of the café, waving goodbye to Lily and started walking down the street. Like everyday Jess would go by the window of his bookstore, and saw Rory walking down the street, wandering what would she do for so many hours.

She got to this little street, that looked more like and alley, just ten minutes walking from the café. The was a sing on the door of the building that said there was an apartment for rent. She went inside the building and felt something in her gut. The place looked like the hotel from "The Shinning", weird and creepy, but with and old taste of a home. She went to the door that had the same sign as outside and knocked softly on the door.

An old woman, who moved twice slower than a normal person, opened the door and looked up at Rory, she smiled sweetly at the girl that was so nervous standing in front of her and said almost in a whisper

"I've been waiting for you dear, it was about time"

Rory freeze in her tracks and looked at her quizzically "You were expecting me?"

"You want the apartment, right?" her smile grew, never leaving it sweetness, when Rory nodded. "Many people came to see the place. You see, it's very big and very cheap too, It's and old apartment. But I can read people's eyes, I can see their kindness. I don't want a cold-hearted person living in my building you know? I want someone who can be a part of this place like they are a part of their family. I want someone looking for a home, and I can see it in your eyes you're the right person"

Rory smiled, tear building in her eyes "I want a home"

"Let's see the apartment then, shall we?

The apartment was in the fourth floor, with no elevator, but Rory was so in awe with the whole place she couldn't care less about the steps. The apartment was big, with little old furniture, the walls where plagued with orange and brown paper wall, the floor was carpentered in green. There was a small kitchen, two rooms and a big living room. The pace had an orange light, a mixture of the walls and the light of the sunset that came out of the street. Rory couldn't do a thing but smile as much as her face would let her, and feel completely at home.

"I take it" and with that, Rory's new life was finally beginning.


	4. How to proceed

Please R&R!! I need some feedback in case im screwing up big time :)

--

Wednesday morning, it's 9:55. Jess walks into Lily's café and stops in his tracks, not quite believing what he sees. Slowly, a slight smile appears in his mouth.

In front of him, behind the counter Lily and Rory are lined up, giving their backs to him and the door, and dancing the most ridiculous choreography while Pink's song "so what" is blasting through the speakers. Suddenly the chorus came and both girls started screaming the lyrics in a pathetic but never the less, cute attempt to sing, not noticing Jess's presence.

Jess crossed his arms, and trying not to smile as he approached the counter and cleared his throat as noisy as possible. Both turned their backs suddenly, Lily smiles at him, Rory's smile disappeared and was replaced by a horrified look and the most furious blush he has ever seen, and he thought he's never seen someone as beautiful as her.

"hey Jesse!" Lily said, not noticing the looks between them.

"Can I ask what are you doing?"

"dancing" Lily said in a duh tone.

"No no, dancing is what Anna Pavlova did, this…" he said motioning to them "I can't even describe it."

"Oh you're so sweet…" Lily said dripping sarcasm in her tone. "If you must know, we were celebrating that Rory here has find her perfect home" She said pointing at Rory who was still completely absorbed by the color of the floor.

"Really??, then I'm really glad" Jess said cheerfully.

When lily went inside the kitchen Rory stood there, still red and completely uncomfortable. Jess felt bad for making her feel like this and in a attempt to make her feel better he leaned in the counter and said almost in a whisper "Anna Pavlova has nothing on you"

Rory looked up suddenly and smiled at him, who was giving her a grin. With that he turned to the kitchen and it was his time to blush not believing his own words.

He entered the kitchen pacing nervously through it, looking for the ingredients to prepare their breakfast, but he was so nervous that he kept forgetting what he was looking for in the cabinets. Lily noticed and came closer to him, whispering so Rory wouldn't hear.

"hey!, what's wrong?!

"huh?, oh nothing, nothing, were did you put the damn sugar?"

"What are you so flustered about?!

"I'm not flustered, I'm just pointing out how messy you are, I can't even find a box of sugar in the smallest kitchen of New York"

It was obvious by his bad temper that something was up and he didn't want to talk about it, so she guessed it was something Rory related, and she grinned deviously.

"It's my boy nervous because of my pretty waitress?"

"Shut up already?!" he said even more flustered.

"Oh come on, you're Jess Mariano, if you like her stop the bullshit and make a move!"

"It's not that easy!!" he screamed without wanting to, finally admitting he had something for her. But his energy and bad vibe made her smile fall.

"What do you mean it's not that easy, you're the ladies man, how come you can hit on a naïve girl who seems to like you so far? Although it's hard to tell because she's always so nonchalant about everything, I don't know how she doe-"

"Stop it Lily please" He said whispering again. "This is not normal. It's not some chick I wanna nail to bed. I feel weird and I don't know how to proceed."

Jess was more vulnerable now than ever, and his best friend has never seen him so open up about a girl.

"So when you say you feel weird, you mean you like her presence, enjoy her company, and being her friend?" Lily said exploring the ground.

"Yes" he said slowly as he poured ingredients in a bowl

"But you also picture her naked…"

"Yes" he said even more slowly, looking down kind of ashamed.

"Huh…" was all Lily could say.

She didn't know how to feel. They've been great friends for a year. But the day they met, he walked in the café, he had just signed the contract of the publishing house, and he immediately flirted with her, with the same confidence as she has seen many times before. They had a couple of dates, and a couple of nights, until he said he really liked her as a friend and if they kept doing that they'd never get to be friends. She was ok with the friendship with him, and now that he was his best friend, all the sexual attraction was gone for good. But she couldn't help feeling a pang of jealousy and disappointment when he saw the scared look on his face and the hope in his eyes, Knowing perfectly he would never feel something so intense for her.

"What do I do Lily?" he said scared.

The moment she saw the pleading in his eyes her heart melt, washing away the jealousy and making the friend she is kick in.

"Just relax Jess, be yourself, and see how things evolve" she kindly tapped his arm and started getting cups for coffee. "And… I'm really happy for you" she said sincerely, making Jess to turn around and look at her "Even if it doesn't work out, you'll always know you're not your father, you are capable of love"

He was a little shocked but smiled at her, appreciating that even though she noticed his inner fear, never said a word. Again, he had the best friend he could ask for, always reading him like an open book.

Once they came out he saw Rory serving coffee to a guy, who was smiling flirtatiously at her. He suddenly had a rush of rage inside of him, with the company of jealousy. A mixture he has never felt before, he has tried now and he didn't like it one bit. He directed all his attention to look and listen to Rory as he put the plates in the table, with Lily smiling knowingly at him from her seat.

Rory gave this guy a smile as she handed him the coffee, Desperate to get a closer look, he went behind the counter near Rory, pretending he was looking for something, and heard part of the conversation.

"Are you sure you are a waitress? You're too pretty to be stuck in this job" _Oh please_ he thought, _Now I don't know who I pity the most, either this guy for being so pathetic or Rory for having to be here standing him._

"Well, as far as I know the looks aren't really necessary to succeed, look at Bill Gates…" _Burn!_

"What I mean is… you could be a model or something, see I have some connections, we could have a meeting with this guy, he's a photographer.."

"oh, joy…" Rory deadpanned full of sarcasm, making jess smile as he got napkins and the … corkscrew?, he immediately threw the item back in it's place and left with the napkins, hopping it was excuse enough to stand there for 3 minutes.

He sited in his place and glanced at Rory for a second who immediately gave him a pleading look to save her. He smiled shaking his head, and taking it as an opportunity to taste the waters.

He stood and went behind the counter beside her, encircling her waist with his arms, he kissed her forehead lovingly and whispered loud enough for this guy to hear "Babe breakfasts ready, and it's getting cold" still with his forehead pressed on her temple, and his arms in her waist.

She blushed a deep red, startled, until she snapped out of it, she, also taking the opportunity to feel him, looked at him straight in the face, caressed his face with her hand and whispered "I'll be there in a second"

He nodded, let go of his embrace and went back to sit with a childish grin. Once seated Lily leaned against him an whispered "abuse" he immediately lost his grin and spitted "shut up"

"She seemed to like it though" Jess looked at her with a half smile and a look of hope sparkling. She chuckled and looked at Rory, with the same goofy grin in her face_. I hope they don't take it too slow, there's just so much corniness I can take._

Rory came to the table after getting rid of the guy and sited shyly across Jess.

"Thanks" she said looking everywhere but him. He just gave her a kind smile, and stare at her.

"I should put a sing in the door forbidding jerks in my café" Lily said trying to light the mood.

"Next to the dogs one?" Rory said chuckling

"Nah, dogs are allowed here… unless they come with a jerk"

Both girls laughed and Jess shook his head while playing with his food "You're both insane"

The same day, at seven as always, Jess would look out the window, a habit that has become an addiction. He frowned when she didn't exited the café right away, but a second before she started walking down the street, this time with a big suitcase behind her. After ten steps she stopped in her tracks in the middle of the sidewalk. She turned her head and stared directly into Jess eye's, who froze with panic figuring she would think he's a stalker. But in a wave of courage from her part, she smiled sweetly at him and waved, it took him a second until he waved back so she could start again the way to her new house.

He stood there, thinking if she has notice him all these times he has secretly seen her walk away. He chuckled slowly as he walked back to his desk, push play on his stereo, letting the doors best song, "The end" slowly and loudly fill the room, in an attempt to wash away the thoughts of this mysterious girl out of his mind, and begin with the editing he had for today.


	5. Behind blue eyes

And another chapter! I recommend the song is mentioned in this chapter during the reading of it, it really sets the mood (Robyn- be mine, acoustic version)

Please R&R, the getting together is coming

--

Rory Gilmore was a big mystery. She never looked miserable, she never had a bad day, yet she didn't glow happiness precisely. All her body moved with the same rhythm everyday. She could give you a truthful smile at any time of the day, but when she was back at whatever task she was doing her face would turn completely plain.

She always seemed alert of everything that happened; yet she looked like she was in her inner world. She takes everything she sees in the world, drowns it in her mind, where she can interact with it.

Jess felt always really puzzled about her behavior, about her personality. She was the kind of girl you could never figure out but for some reason you feel yourself pushed to try it everyday.

But after weeks of daily staring, and morning conversations between the three of them, he learned to read her almost perfectly. The mistake everybody made with her was looking the way she acted. The secret of Rory Gilmore was hidden behind her eyes. Those piercing blue eyes would always tell you with details what's going on in her head, and Jess Mariano was delightfully pleased to discover that her mind was always boiling with thoughts and feelings. Sometimes he felt like the truth of life was hidden in her iris.

He could see how she disliked something or someone when her eyes would become two shades darker. How she enjoyed food, and her eyes would stay closed one second too long, how she would read a new book, with eyes wide open, like taking everything in, or when she was reading something for a second time, with eyes relaxed, kind of dreamy, reading her favorite passages. He could see how she was a lyrics person; there's two kinds of people, the ones that listen the rhythm of the music, and the ones that pay attention to the lyrics.

It was a Friday afternoon, the sun was leaving, and the air had an orange look. Roby's "be mine" in an acoustic version was sounding softly in the background. He was sited in their usual table, sipping a coffee, looking at her. She was leaning against the counter, reading a book, and taping a pen in the board of the book. Everything seemed to go in slow camera, and Jess tasted every second of this minute.

He saw how she was listening to the song instead of reading, because of the look in her eyes. Her expression would change with the flow of the lyrics; a small smile plastered in her face showed she liked the song. The chorus said softly "Cause you never were and you never will be mine" and Rory's smile faced. He wonders what those words mean to her, if she thought of someone, if she thought of him, or some other guy. She mumbled those words in a distracted way a couple of times until she flipped the book to the last page and wrote the line in the blank part.

This was new, she wrote things down, maybe to remember them, or to stop them from running in her head. He chuckled bitterly and muttered for himself "Still a mystery… always a mystery".

She was nervous. He has been seated in the table, sipping in his coffee for twenty minutes. She feared any second he would get up and leave. She glanced at him and saw the lost look in his eyes, staring out the window.

It was 6.45 and there was no one on the café, this meant she would close at time, and he knew this. He would get up and leave any time now…

"Hey Jess?" She has been mustering up the courage for twenty minutes, she could do this.

"Yes?" he looked up, she was talking to him, that was a good sign, a difference to the rest of the days.

"I don't think I'll have more costumers today, and there's food left from this lunch in the kitchen…" she hesitated. She couldn't do this- no she could! There was no turning back anyway "Do wanna have some dinner here…with me?"

He was stunned "With you?"

She took it the wrong way, thinking he despised the idea of spending time with her, old boring Rory.

"Well I was going to have dinner here anyway, because I'm starving and I don't have any at home, thought you wouldn't have any food either, It was a stupid idea you probably have stuff to do at the library-" She ranted, nervous, trying to get the shame off her shoulders, making silent prayers for him no to laugh in her face.

"no!" He was desperate, making her know he wanted to stay there, not wanting to look too needy "You're right, I have no food at home, and I have absolutely nothing to do."

She let go the air she didn't know her lungs were holding for dear life. Nervousness never leaving though.

"But I won't eat that" She now realized he never said yes, and her lungs claimed the air back "Leftovers are for losers, I'm gonna make us some real food"

She smiled as he stood up with his cup of coffee and went into the kitchen to prepare dinner. Wiping down the counter she started mumbling the song again, until she realized and sighted "Those lyrics are never gonna go away…" she whispered. So she went to the stereo and replayed the song again.

He placed the plates in the usual table. She turned off all the lights except the one that was above that table, to make the dinner look closed.

They sited, one in front of the other, nervous glances and picking forks moving rapidly.

"I have a cat" she said abruptly trying to make some conversation.

"You do? Since when?" He asked softly grated by the tinny bit of information she was giving him about her life.

"Since two days ago, I found her in the ally in a box. She's so tinny and looked so helpless…And I thought I could use the company"

"That's cool, does she have a name already?"

She blushed and looked at the table ashamed and he smiled and her childish looks "What?" he chuckled interested.

"Her name is Valjean" she said not knowing if he would get the reference and the signification of it, thinking now it was a stupid reason for a name.

He stopped moving the fork and looked at her narrowing his eyes, searching in his mind the source of the name, and suddenly a proud grin appeared in his features.

"Les Misérables…" and she smiled with confirmation "you do realize Valjean was a guy right?"

Suddenly a topic she could get into showed up and she wouldn't miss the chance "Yes, but the reason of the name is valid, and plus Valjean was the last name not the actual name of the guy"

"What are the reasons" he asked intrigued.

"Redemption, starting over…" she said shrugging and taking a bite of her food.

He smiled at the fact that randomness was not something she would ponder in something as important as a name, even if it were for a cat.

"It's a nice name" he said softly. "I would love to met her sometime"

She looked up from her plate with wide blue eyes looking through him "Well I live very close by, you could come up whenever you want. And when you come bring some of this because I love it" she said pointing at the food.

"Tell you what, if you have nothing to do tomorrow I could go by your house and cook dinner for you, and you can introduce me to the knew and improve Valjean"

"That'd be great. New and improved Valjean will be expecting you with her French accent and law in hand"

They shared a glance contest, pushing the other to see who would look away first, and as predicted the naïve girl failed first. The comfortable silence turned awkward easily.

"So if you've read the misérables I take it you like to read..."

She chuckled and nodded.

"Well my friend, I happen to have a bookstore filled with novels, in case you ran out of things to read. I could recommend you some books"

"Really? Like what?"

"Have you read any Hemmingway books?"

Rory let the fork fall on the plate and rolled her eyes at him "typical guy choice. A man obsessed with Manhood and loneliness"

Jess mocked an offended gasp "how dare you…" and the girl started giggling loudly.

Jess smiled amused by the beautiful of her looks when she laughs. He's never seen her laugh like this before and hope to see it more often, dismissing the awful words she said of his master.

"You know, Hemmingway has only lovely things to say about you" he said in a hoarse whisper, causing her to shiver profoundly, as his words penetrated her system.

"Well if you put it that way I'll have to give it a try. Do you have any of his books at the bookstore?" The moment she said it he went to his back pocket and get _the man an the see _and left it in the table "I see… you're a real fan huh?" she said as she admired the pretty much beaten up book. Suddenly she fished in her purse and got her book out and threw it in his side of the table. "Exchange"

He looked at the book "The fountainhead?" he said incredulously, and she smiled and nodded forcefully, so he shrugged and put the book in his back pocket "Fair enough..."

They ate slowly and chatted about books, music and all kinds of stuff, none of them realizing they've been seating there, dinner long gone, for more than 3 hours.

They washed the dishes together, still engrossed in the conversation, and Jess helped her close the café.

"Well, then I'll be by your house tomorrow around six. Is that ok with you?"

"Of course, I'll have Valjean in her best behavior"

He chuckled and turned around, knowing she didn't like physical contact. "Goodnight Rory"

"Goodnight" She was left in the door of the dinner, with a feeling of loss and emptiness now he was gone. She turned on her feet and started walking home, a worried look on her face and a busy mind running over the future events "This is not good…" she whispered to herself.


	6. Rory's mind

Ok, here's an important one. It was getting long so I've splitted it into two chapters, the second will be uploaded soon.

Hope you like it, please R&R!!

--

Ten minutes, that's the exactly amount of time he's been pacing in the hall, waiting for the courage to come so he could knock on her door. He didn't know what to expect, but then again, things with her were always like that, and that's what made her wonderful.

But not all the time of the world could have prepare him for what he was about to see. He could hear The Red hot chili peppers "road trippin" sounding from the other side of the door, taking a deep breath, bag of groceries in hand he rang the bell.

"It's open!" she shouted from the inside.

He pushed the door and was greeted by the walls of the corridor. It was long, covered with orange and brown paper wall. What got his attention is that the paper had writings on it.

In front of him, with big black letters it said

Picture yourself in a boat on a river

_With tangerine trees and marmalade skies_

Sketched trees surrounded those words and lazy clouds were drawn over it. Walking through the corridor he realized there were several lines, from songs, book quotes, and probably her own thoughts were written in the walls. A big square hole in the wall lead to the living room. It was big, and barely had furniture in it, but the room was stuffed. There were a couple of lamps and about twenty candles lit, the walls were also written and drawn. There were thousands of books piled up everywhere, and millions of papers lying on the floor. A couch separated the room in two, and it was pointed to the door of the bedroom. In the other half, there were lots of cushions on the floor, forming a semi circle, pointing to the wall. There was papers hanging in the low part of the wall, a couple of books open and a stereo in the corner making sure the red hot chili peppers kept playing.

Right in that moment, contemplating that big messed room…Jess realized he just got inside Rory's mind. All she didn't talk about, all her thoughts, aspirations, and passions where screaming at him through the walls and the insides of her house.

Rory was gracefully seated in the middle of the cushions writing something in a notebook she closed when she heard him step into the room. Still in the floor she turned her head and looked up at him smiling sweetly. She stood up and put the notebook under the stereo and walked up to him.

"I know my house is a mess, I've never been very tidy, but I promise the kitchen is immaculate" she said with a big and nervous smile.

Jess who was still in awe snapped out of it abruptly

"No…I mean, it's not a mess, it's … perfect. It's you" he said still admiring the walls.

She blushed and looked at the floor. " My landlady said I could do whatever I wanted to the house, It's old and it needs to be renewed. She's a sweet lady, and very interesting too, you should meet her, she has…something"

"Lucy in the sky with diamonds!" he said screaming throwing his free hand in the air.

"What??"

"ahh it's been killing me! I can't believe it took me that long" he said sighting relieved.

She was puzzled for a second until she realized "ah, the writing in the corridor…I can't believe it took you that long" she said giggling.

"Hey cut me some slack here, you had red hot chili peppers playing, that could distract John Lennon himself"

They both smiled and fell in a comfortable silence. Looking at the bag in his arm she realized they were standing in the middle of the living room.

"I'll show you were the kitchen is"

The walked to the end of the corridor, to the kitchen door, a bluish light coming out of it, in contrast with the orange ambient of the rest of the house. Over the doorframe of the kitchen, written in stencil words it read _All the creatures of this world die alone_, and he made a mental note to ask what was that from later.

The kitchen was small, and clean as she promised. There was a little table for two in one of the walls, and the other front was covered with the stove, the fridge, oven etc.

She went straight to the fridge, got a diet coke out of it and offered one to Jess, who putting the bag in the table refused.

She sited on the table, next to the bag and watched him get the things out of the bag.

"So, what are you gonna cook?"

"Well I was going to go for some pasta with Bolognese sauce. What do you think?"

"Yum. But I thought you were gonna cook something different, I was gonna use you to learn how to cook anything other than eggs and… well pasta"

"I can come back any other day don't worry" He said nonchalantly and gave her a smirk that immediately made her blush. Not wanting to get caught she jumped out of the table.

"Well if you have everything under control here I'm going to go to the living room to tidy everything up a bit.

After twenty minutes, Jess went to the living room to tell her dinner was ready, and found out nothing had been put back into place, and she was engrossed with a couple of sheets in hand and a pen between her teeth, she was seated Indian style with a small and thin black cat walking beside her, getting between her arm and ribs passing into her lap, soundly purring.

Jess didn't want to disturb her, as she was so concentrated mumbling what she was reading, a small smile in her lips. He cleared his throat a little and Whisper "Dinner's ready".

The cat looked up and came to him rapidly and meowing, she stood on her hind legs, putting her front in his knees and looking straight in his eyes.

"Well you must be Valjean…" He got her in his arms and she approached to his face smelling him "you're pretty" He said softly.

"Sorry, I got caught in something, I'll set the table" She said walking to the kitchen with Jess following close by with Valjean still in his arms. When she got to the kitchen she found out the table was already set, and the food was on the plates, and smiled ashamed "I'm not the best host now am I?"

"You're good enough" he said smiling back as he put the cat back in the floor. "Plus, the plan was for me to cook for you, and in my world that includes setting the table." He said as he offered a seat. She smiled once again amuse by all he was doing. "Don't worry, I'll leave the cleaning to you" he said with a smirk as he seated at the other end of the small table.

They ate with a comfortable chat and then moved the conversation to the couch, where they were seated Indian style facing each other. Jess with an open book in his hands, and Rory with a closed one in the coffee table.

"She's a political nut!" he said frustrated.

"She's not! The book shows she had convictions that crushed with the society that surrounded her and that didn't stooped her from saying it out loud!" Both of them were very agitated trying to make the other see their point. But the "fight" was not aggressive, it was passionate, and they were both enjoying it to no end.

"What about Roark? He was a hypocrite, he said he didn't care about the richness and the society but her words are practically screaming it's not true. That my friend is a reflection of her own frustration because she couldn't reach what she wanted so she shouted she didn't need the world that had rejected her. Hypocrite Rand!" he said, shouting the last part towards the book, which made Rory giggle.

"Ok look at this" she said leaning on him a little too close without noticing, to look at the book he had in hands. She flipped through the pages with a shocked Jess two millimeters away from her hair. She smelled like strawberries.

"Here:

'_Why don't you tell me what you think of me, Mr. Roark?' To what Roark replies 'But I don't think of you'_

ha! Burn! See?" she said as she lifted her face to look at him "This is not hypocrisy, this is confrontation" She then realized she was oh so close to his face, and he looked at her straight in her eye, which made her forget what she was talking about.

"We're never gonna reach an agreement" He whispered in a hoarse voice, and she smiled.

When he noticed she didn't back away he closed slowly the distance between them and brushed her lips with his lightly. He let the book fall of his hands to cup her face, but when she heard the noise the book made touching the floor she jumped back to her end of the couch.

"No! this is not right" She said breathing heavily.

"Why?" It was almost audible, a whisper that left the lips of a now broken Jess.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this: I'm not right for you" She said very nervous, touching her temple with her hand.

"What? Why not?" He was now more confused than anything.

"I don't do dates… I don't get close to people and people don't get close to me, that's how it works"

"What are you talking about?"

"I can't feel alright? I'm dead inside, there's nothing…" she was pacing now the living room.

"What are you talking about? Have you seen yourself?" he was now standing up "Have you seen this room? You're the most alive person that I've even seen. You have so much in your inside that no even the whole population of New York, including Woody Allen, could compare to you!"

"I don't have a mother, but I've never missed her, I left my father and I didn't care, never once in my life I've cried. People always say, poor little girl, she's dead inside, and they are right! I can't feel a thing, I've never felt sad, neither happy, I don't know what love is, I …am …dead" She said trying to explain.

He could only come up with an idea to make her see it wasn't true.

"Rory" he said slowly "come'ere"

She approached him and stood one step away from him.

"You can feel. Just because no one showed you what love is, or stayed there enough for you to miss 'em doesn't mean you're dead inside. It's not your fault, it's theirs" This part he said in a whisper as he close the space between them. Seeing as she still hesitated he gave her proof.

"Look" he ran his fingers through the inside of her palms, and traveled all the way to the inside of her elbows "Can you feel this?" he said whispering.

She felt a strong shiver as he touched her, and with eyes closed she could only nod. He caressed her sides and run his palms across her back evolving her in a soft hug. "And this?" he said in her ear, the hot air that came out of his mouth giving her goosebumps all over her neck. He then caressed her cheek with his own and traced the lines of her face with his nose. She left a small moan as he run his hands through her back and he couldn't help but smile.

He ran his fingertips from her shoulders to her face and looked straight in her eyes. "I can see you, and you're beautiful." He said letting her see that he knows what she thinks… that she thinks she's invisible, and with a simple line and a piercing look, he lets her know it's not true.

The fingertips that were lining her cheeks, become full hands that cover her face, and when she nods, finally understanding, he leans slowly and kisses her softly.

This time she kisses him back making him smile into the kiss. She tugs in his shirt to balance herself and he encircles her waist with his arms sighting. After a couple of seconds she bites his lower lip making him groan with pleasure and open his mouth to deepen the kiss, but he's caught by surprise when she introduces her tongue rapidly in his mouth. This eagerness makes him more excited than he's ever been and he can control himself as he fights back her tongue with his and roams his hands through the sides of her tiny frame.

In a stroke of jealousy Valjean walked between them trying to get attention, and failing miserably, so the little cat rose and dig her nails in Jess leg, witch made him flinch in pain and brake the kiss. Rory laughed when she saw the cat, nails still trapped in the fabric of his pants and meowing hysterically.

"Looks like I have competition" Jess said, who in spite of the pain wouldn't let go Rory out of his embrace. She giggled and let her face fall in his chest, so he held her tighter.

"Nah, she has nothing on you" She said mimicking his words at the café.

He caressed her cheek with his thumb and looked at her, she let go off the embrace a little bit to look at him in the eyes.

"So… are we good?" he said it in a whisper as if he was afraid of the answer, fearing that now that she had time to think she would come with another excuse to reject him.

She blushed, the previous events racing in her mind, as much as the hidden question he was asking her in his words.

"Yeah, we're good" He let out all the air he was holding and smiled kissing her forehead.

"Ok then, I should go, it's getting late"

"No, stay… I've never shared a bed before" she said biting her lip.

He was stunned. He wasn't a fool and neither was she, both knew each others past, one full of comes and goes, and the other, empty and clean. But her statement was innocent and he knew she needed to explore, and set her limits, and he had all the time of the world and all the strength and self control he would ever have.

"Ok. Wanna go to bed already or should we discuss the Hemmingway book we never got to talk about?"

"Hemmingway, oh I'm already asleep" she said in a dramatic tone "I don't know if I'll make it to the bed" she was now mocking dizziness and walking towards the door.

"Mean… I'll show you, you little rascal" He went quickly behind her and swoop her in his arms. She laughed hysterically as he made the way to the bed. "There's just so much offense I can take" He threw her in the bed and jumped over causing her to stop laughing abruptly and look at him "and now… you're gonna pay!" He started tickling her and she laughed trying to get off the hold.

After a few minutes they were calmed, she was lying in his chest and he was lazily playing with her hair.

"Jess?"

"Mmm?

"Have you ever been in love?"

"No"

"Oh…then, how do you know it exist?"

"Cause I've seen it" He said it simply and she rose in her elbows to look at him intrigued

"You've seen it?"

"Everywhere, everyday. What kind of force moves a man to die to save another person if is not love? What kind of emotion makes a mother hold 200 pounds if she knows her son is in danger if it's not love?. I've never felt love, neither parental or romantic, but I Know is there because otherwise we would be killing each other"

She had a phrase to beat back that argument, but right now, she prefers believe him and stop thinking. For the sake of the moment, she will believe love exist and can take it all, even if she hasn't seen it, she believes now someday she will.


	7. Do you wanna grow old?

Ok the second part of the sixth chapter. I have to warn its explicit, but yet again the fic is properly rated so if you're here you know whay you're getting yourselves into ;)

Please R&R and thank you so much for those who reviewed, specially making comments about parts of the fics, i loved it!

Suggestions are gratefully accepted

--

It was four in the morning and Rory woke up with strange hands surrounding her in a tight hug. She raised her head a little and felt Jess's breath in her neck as he traced it with his nose. She purred and he smiled knowing she was awake.

"All the creatures of this world die alone" he said in a whisper

"Mmm?"

"What does it mean? You have it written over the kitchen doorframe"

"It means that all the creatures of this world die alone" She said lazy with sleep in a duh tone.

"Where is it from?"

"Donnie Darko"

"Is it good?"

"Very confusing, but interesting"

"Do you believe in it?"

She turned her whole body and stared at Jess, who was lying two millimeters away from her.

"I had a dog when I was little. At the age of six, my dog ran away from home. I looked for him everywhere and I found him 3 hours later hidden in a hole behind the outside stairs of my house. He looked sick so I tried to reach him to take him to the vet but he bit me" She raise her hand to show a big scar in the side of her palm "He was crying and grunting at the same time you know?. He knew he was gonna die and he wanted to be left alone, but he wanted to be home"

He listened to her as he traced the scar, then cupped his own face with her palm and kissed the scar, making her smile.

"What I'm trying to say is, you can share a life with one person, someone who can know you better than you know yourself, but in the end, we are all alone, because dying is the only thing you can't share with that person."

He nodded understanding what she meant. She caressed his cheek as she mumbled a song Jess couldn't place. She jumped out of bed to get the mp3 player, as Jess looked at her frowning.

"When I can't get a song out of my mind I have to listen to it" she explained as she came back. Jess made a face showing he understood and saw how she put the headphones.

"I wanna listen too. I wanna hear what's inside that head"

She smiled and plugged the mp3 to the speakers, so "hometown glory" from Adele started filling softly the room.

They lied silent in bed listening to the song.

"I think that when you spend your whole life with someone, you want that person to hold your hand in your last moments of life. And even if you can't do that trip with them, you're glad they are there to say goodbye" He said softly coming back to their old conversation. She smiled, pondering his point of view, and realized she never thought of that.

She kissed his cheek and he turned his head to smile at her. She took the opportunity to kiss him softly in the mouth, and he kissed back. She put one of her legs over him to get closer and Jess tightened the embrace he had on her. She opened her mouth to deepen the kiss and Jess eagerly obeyed.

As the kiss got heated Rory place herself over him straddling him. She was following what her body was asking, and he didn't ask her if she was sure about what she was doing because he knew she was exploring. Never the less, Jess was shocked and a little taken aback, but he let her feel him and taste him, and he would taste as much as she would give him.

She started placing chaste kisses from his mouth to his neck and sucked a little bit on his earlobe making him moan just a little. It was enough for her to let her know she had an affect on him, that she had somehow some power over him, and suddenly she felt beautiful, she felt wanted… she felt visible. That only though made her lust rise to levels she never thought existed and so she went to kiss him full in the mouth.

He didn't know what to do. All he wanted to do was flipped them and made her all kinds of unnamable things, but he didn't even touched her, afraid to push her to far. She noticed, and in a desperate need to feel him she whispered in his ear in a hoarse voice "Don't you want me?" He grunted in response, not trusting his own words, making her giggle. "Touch me, I won't break"

Jess eagerly raised his hands, and run his palms through her legs, to her waist, and the side of her torso. Rory let herself down a little, almost in sited position, and she could feel his arousal through the clothes, full on her tights, in a unconscious move she pressed harder and moved a little back an forth making an extreme pleasure in the center of her body, also making a huge affect on Jess who gripped her waist to encourage her to keep the movement. She moved her hands inside his shirt in a desperate need to feel his skin, soon enough she tugged on his shirt and he rose to allow her remove the clothing part. Both now seated in the bed started kissing passionately and Jess took off Rory's shirt. He cupped both her breast with his hands and she laid her head back roaming her hands in his hair, moaning as he worked her breast with his mouth. She began rocking against him and he cupped her ass to press harder, making her moans into soft whispers of his name.

Suddenly he flipped them so she was backed against the bed and he hovered over her. In a decided attempt to show her more pleasure than that he drove his hand to her panties and rode his fingertips over them, feeling her wetness though the panties and making her thrust up to him unconsciously. He took it as a sign and slipped his hand inside her panties brushing her clit aimlessly, she moaned his name in a desperate need to feel more and he slide a finger inside of her, making her eyes snap open and her mouth open. Soon her moan became loud screams as he slide his second finger inside of her while kissing her neck. "Can you feel it raising?" he asked and she nodded furiously as she felt a big pressure building up inside of her, and leading her to her release as she gripped her hands on his arms and screamed his name. He grew a proud smile as he saw her erratic breaths coming out of her lungs, but was completely taken aback when in a rush of new lust and need she turned them and now she was straddling them.

She started rocking back and forth over his arousal making him grunt and his hardness grow. She noticed and smiled a little.

"Do you have any…" He was taken by surprise, not expecting naïve Rory Gilmore to go that far, but the decided look in her eyes made him nod and reach for his pants, getting a condom out of his back pocket. When she refused to switch positions he put on the condom and kissed her neck with hot wet kisses until he reached her ear "Do it slow, you could hurt yourself"

She nodded grateful to have received all the control to do as whatever she wanted and drove her hand to feel him under his underwear. Jess let his head fall as he moaned soundly. She took off his underwear after exploring him securely and placed herself over him. He looked at her to make sure she wasn't afraid in case he had to stop her, but she gave him a look that almost sent him to the edge without the need of touching.

She slid him inside of herself slowly, painfully slow, and Jess was concentrating as much as he could not to reach his climax. Once he was completely inside of her she smiled lazily a little fogged by the pleasure.

"Well that was good"

"It's gonna get better" He said getting a little self confident he rose and gripped her waist and slowly moving her in and out, back and forth. Rory put her arms in his chest for support and let her head fall back moaning and hissing his name with pleasure.

They increased the pace until both found release loudly and were left with heavy breaths and a tight hug. Jess laid them back down to bed without loosing the hold of Rory.

"God that was amazing, well at least for me, I know you had it before, probably better-" she started ranting nervously feeling suddenly very naïve and vulnerable again and Jess cut her soon enough.

"It was amazing. I had it before but this time was different. Better" He said not wanting to say too much too soon.

"Better?" she looked at him a slight smile and bright eyes in her face and he smiled back.

"Ten times better" he kissed her temple and played with her hair aimlessly, and soon enough heard her breath slow down until she was asleep. "You'll never now how much better" he let himself confess once she couldn't hear him.


	8. Lazy days

Ok new chapter. I really hope you like it and thank you so much for the reviews.

I'd love to hear some advices or some hints of how you think this should go so pretty please R&R!!

--

She woke up with the sun heartlessly hitting her eyelashes. She stirred a little and noticed no one was touching her, so she rolled over frantically to find Jess by her side resting in his elbow smiling at her.

"Thought I ran away already?"

"Well… no I was just checking. Besides you have every right to leave this apartment whenever you want, you're not my prisoner"

"Oh, but I am…" he said as he leaned to kiss her, and she smiled on the kiss.

It was one of those moments you keep for the rest of your life. A moment that even if it's irrelevant has something, like a perfect click in the cosmos that would make it perfect. Rory would remember the yellow light coming from the window, and how it mixed with his olive skin, making the perfect color merge out of his sight. She would remember the smell of the room, the mixture between the remains of sex from the night before and the rest of scents of the room, the incense burned by the windowpane, the old furniture and the smell of books. But the essence she will always remember was the mixtures between both their trademark essences, mixing together and making a new brand.

She would remember his tender look and soft smile, like he's being there, in her bed since always. Like they were and old couple who fell in a comfortable routine. She would remember how weird and normal it felt at the same time. She didn't notice now, but this moment she will treasure forever in her head, whether she wanted it or not.

They spent the day lazily inside that special apartment. Rory tried to make breakfast failing miserably and Jess cleaned the mess and prepared the real breakfast. They talk about everything and anything, trying to now things of each other that nobody new. Like the fact that Rory stole the first edition of Moby Dick that her grandfather had in his office, since she was too young to understand the words she expressed all her art with her favorite crayons on it. Years later she realized the importance of the book and would cry for hours with the terrible secret pounding in her chest. Or the fact that Jess ran away from home at the age of eight when he read Kerouak's book 'on the road' because he was decided to become his successor, and his mother found him four hours later crying in a park because he got too far away from home and got scared.

They would make love, this time slowly and beautifully, finding each other's weak spots, and learning they way their bodies worked. They re read books to each other, remarking their favorite parts, they listened to music trying to find which groups they both liked and finding a great amount of them. They talked about the paintings in the wall and Rory explained the reasons and with it, her past of invisibility.

She let him write something on the wall and he chose Shakespeare words 'The most beautiful words of love are written in a silent stare' explaining that silent people are not necessary hollow people. An excuse for the lack of words for both of them towards the rest of the world, but on the inside she hoped that maybe someday he could give her that stare.

At dusk, there was only a dark purple and orange light coming from the sky, and Jess was seated comfortably in the couch reading a passage of Robert frost poem 'stopping by the woods on a snowy evening', not realizing Rory had what he was re reading over and over again written in many sheets and notebooks, over and over again.

_The woods are lovely, dark and deep_

_But I have promises to keep _

_and miles to go before I sleep_

_And miles to go before I sleep._

Meanwhile Rory was sitting in the windowpane, looking at him, and charcoal drawing his profile in a big rough notebook. Yann Tiernsen was softly playing in the background.

"Are you hungry?" he said, not rising his face from the book.

"Yeah, we should order something" She finished drawing and closed safely the book. And she walked towards him.

"What do you want?" He noticed her coming and put the book down. She then sited over him, straddling his body in the couch and cupped his face.

"Dinner can wait" She said in a whisper as she kissed him. He smiled and responded happily. In the matter of seconds the kiss got heated as both opened their mouths to explore, and so, Jess grabbed her by the ass and led them to the bedroom, as Rory's legs were around his waist and her hands were busy with his hair.

Once they both fell in the bed Rory's hands were immediately inside his pants and he let a big groan of pleasure letting his head fall.

"You're gonna kill me Gilmore" he said in a hoarse voice, and She playfully raised her hands in the air and made her best innocent stare.

"Oh I'm sorry. I wont touch I promise" she said in a light almost virginal voice, but soon enough a devil smirk was playing with her face.

He groaned once again and went to kiss her full of passion "Do that and I'll kill you" He whispered as he got both of her hands over her head with only one of his hands, and she giggled loudly. Giggles switched into loud moans as his free hand went inside her pants.

She screamed his name as she found release and he smirked at the display beneath him.

"Now you're the one who's killing me" she said with a lazy smile. He then laid beside her and run his fingertips through the exposed part of her abdomen.

"Well I can stop whenever you want, you're not my prisoner" He said mimicking her words, and she grinned at him as she positioned herself over him.

"Oh, but I am" she said in a hoarse whisper as she kisses him passionately.

- - -

The Monday morning is not very busy at the café. At ten as always Jess steps inside.

Rory's is not sure how things will go. She knows he's very private with his life and he doesn't like to talk about stuff, so she didn't say a word about the weekend to Lily. She also is not sure if the weekend was just that, and he's ready to move on and have things as before. She's obviously nervous and this last thought sent her to a fear she wouldn't like to confirm, but she will take it as it comes. After all they never talked about the kind of relationship they are having, and she knows through Lily he is the one stand kind of guy. After all this mental rambling, she is completely sure this weekend meant nothing to him and they'd never be together, and she feels a lump in her throat, but she won't cry, because she finds reasonable that he doesn't wanna be with her.

She ignores him as he makes his way through the café and says hi to Lily, she starts wiping the counter and he stands in front of her at the other side of the counter.

"Hi" He says softly. She raises her look and finds out he's kinda nervous, studying her expression trying to find out exactly the same thing as her.

"Hi" She says smiling, and she swears she could see as if he was letting the air he was holding.

"Come here" he whispers as he goes behind the counter, and kisses her sweetly, she happily responds, letting the ballet fall of her hands.

Lily saw the whole thing and when they kissed she raised her hands in the air and yelled in a dramatic tone "Finally!!"

As they break the kiss Rory giggles at Lily and Jess scowls at her as he puts Rory in a tight embrace.

"Really Lily, tell the papers, that will make it all easier" He kissed Rory in the forehead and went to the Kitchen.

They had breakfast at the usual table, only this time Jess seated next to Rory instead of Lily, and she had one leg over his, both seated in a comfortable position. Lily couldn't help but notice they looked like they've been together since always, and that the look Jess had could be described as content and happy, something she never saw in those eyes. Whether he was happy or not, Jess always seemed to have a hole inside, and you could see that through his eyes. Today that look was gone, and Lily was very happy for her best friend.


	9. Girl problems

Ok, this is a little chapter, just for fun, exploring more the rest of the characters. Hope you like it.

Please please please R&R!

--

Weeks passed at Lily's café and everything went smoothly. Jess spent a lot of nights at Rory's, since he shared a house with the guys of the publishing house, and she passed a lot of time at the publishing house after closing the café, dragging Lily with her, creating with time a gang of friends.

Lily became really close to Matt, who eventually tried to hit on her, but she told him she was not interested when he was directly asking her out in a bar and they drank until they past out to celebrate friendship. Jess had to carry Matt to the house, and Rory had to take Lily home, which by then was sobbing, yelling to the whole word she needed a real man in her life. Never the less, Matt and Lily are now inseparable, but only in a friendly kind of way.

One night, in a bar, the whole gang was taking some beers after closing both bussines. Rory and Jess where in the corner of the table, saying nothings in each other's ears. And the other three were at the other side of the table. A ridicously hot girl came into the bar and the three of them stared at her.

"I would give my left arm for one night with that girl" Matt said.

"Yeah tell me about it…" Lily said not noticing she was saying it out loud, and making the two boys look at her. She then realized and shrugged. "I swing both ways"

Matt was left mouth open, and Noah laughed at him.

"Now seriously, please please marry me, I'll give you anything and everything, and if you want I could bring a different woman home everyday" He said in a desperate tone, this last part lamely blinking at her.

"Jezz, Matt you're so romantic…" She said with sarcasm.

The girl they were staring seated in a stool and looked everywhere, feeling herself kind of out of place. She glanced at the three friends and flashed a shy smile before turning back to the counter.

Jess noticed the whole thing and when he saw the two boys discussing about who was the girl staring he decided to interfere, having a clinic eye with this things.

"Hey Lily, you may as well give it a try, she's one of your kind"

Lily smiled and yelled a big "Ha!" to the boys, before marching to talk to the girl.

Rory couldn't help but giggle at the boy's sad face, as they came to sit closer to the couple.

"Man, I'm never getting any…" Matt said disappointed.

"Oh don't worry Matty, if it helps I found you kind of attractive when we met" Matt's face lighted up and Jess frowned.

"Hey!" he said to the smiling girl, who gave him a lustful look, telling him he was the only one, and trying to call it a night for both of them, at least in public.

Jess immediately understood and quickly got up.

"Well boys, we're gonna leave now" he said with a big grin in his face as he faked a yawn no one believed. They hurriedly left the place, leaving the boys with sad faces and empty bottles of beers. "please don't touch" by motörhead started sounding and they saw Lily take the mysterious girl to the dance floor, both boys looked at each other and shrugged as they replaced their sad faces by two goofy grins, and they joined the girls at the dance floor.

--

The next day, the two lovers enter their respective business.

"Hey Lily" Rory said with a big smile and a glow in her face that showed the good night she had "How did last night ended?" she said kind of flirtatiously as she leaned on the counter crooking her eyebrow. Lily blushed and looked down.

"Pretty good actually"

--

"Dude it was not pretty, I had to see how Matt heated on three girls and two boys until I was able to get him out of that bar" Noah said shaking his head.

"Two boys?" Jess said looking weird at Matt

"Hey! They were two pretty feminine boys if you ask me!" Matt said defending himself

"Dude, one of them was a truck driver and had more hair than the three of us combined"

Jess squirmed and laughed lightly

--

"She gave me her number and asked me to call her sometime" Lily said with a childish smile.

"Good! Are you gonna call her?"

"Yes but I don't how much should I wait, what do you think?"

"You're not asking the right person here, go ask Jess" Rory said chuckling

--

"Dude you can't call her!" Noah said exasperated.

"Why not!"

"Coz she was a he!"

Jess looked at the yelling amused still smiling, having what could described as one of the times of his life

"No she wasn't, she was wearing the tightest dress on the earth!"

"And that's how I know she was a guy! There's just so much of yourself you can hide…"

Jess chuckled and saw Matt's expression turn from fluster to realization, and then sadness.

--

Lilly looked frantic, like her mind was racing with what to do, and Rory looked at her chuckling

"Lily…do you wanna go ask him now?"

Lilly looked at her relived and jumped out of the counter, where she was seating

"Get the keys of the front door, I'll put the 'be back in 10 minutes' sing"

Rory chuckled and did as she was said.

--

"Look Matt, you have to calm down, one day one beautiful girl who will be willing to date you will cross that door" Jess said pointing to the door, and in that instant Rory crossed the door and Jess turned serious to look at Matt "But not that one"

Matt raised his hands pleading innocence and Noah laughed at Jess's protectiveness.

"Jess, Lily has girl problems and needs your help" Rory said pointing behind her and kissing him sweetly, who hugged her with a protective arm.

"Yeah yeah yeah, enough with the cutie couple thing, help me here" Lily was definitely frantic and Jess laughed at her hoping in the back of his mind he didn't looked so frantic when things with Rory started, although he new he felt exactly the same. "How much do I wait?"

"What?!" he said frowning not getting what was going on. Rory looked up from his chest without letting go out of the embrace.

"Pretty girl left her her number and asked her to call, she wants to know what's the procedure"

"Ahh ok!, so much do you like her?"

"A lot" she said with a big grin.

"So, I would say you should call her either this late afternoon asking to meet some time of the week, or either tomorrow with a settled date to meet" He said nonchalantly.

Lily muttered the words to herself as if taking them in, and Rory frowned looking at him.

"That wasn't the procedure you used with me"

"With you I was so fucking scared I even forgot the word procedure existed" She blushed while smiling and looked other way and he kissed her sweetly.

"Ok, call her this afternoon, easy piecy" Lily said pretending to be cool, walking on her back toward the door, finally stumbling with a desk. She cleared her throat and pretended nothing happened as she marched towards the door, this time, on her front.

The rest of the group laughed at her, and Rory kiss Jess with a soft peck on the lips "see you at ten" she whispered and marched happily behind Lily, who was still muttering Jess's words as she was memorizing them.


	10. When fear haunts

Ok heres another one, I didn´t got too much into Lily´s new relationship but if you want me to do it let me know, i´ll be pleased.

And again pretty please R&R

--

Lily called "pretty girl" or as officially named, Eliza and she eagerly accepted to meet the next day.

They had a nervous first date, filled with awkwardness and nervous smiles, and at the end of the date they said their goodbyes with a quick peck on the lips and a lot of red in their cheeks. Fifteen minutes later Lily was practically hovering in her way home when her phone ringed.

"Hello?" she said dreamily.

"I know I shouldn't be calling so soon"

"Eliza!" she snapped out of her trance quickly with a mix of shock and happiness.

"Yeah… Is just… I really wanted you to know I had a great time tonight, and that doesn't happen often to me"

"Yeah I had a great time too…"

"Great… so we'll talk some time this week?"

"No!"

"Oh… ok, I thou-"

"No I didn't mean it like that sorry. Can we… can we see each other now?" Lily said nervously, not getting over the fact that she wasn't ready to say goodnight to her.

"yeah sure, jeez you got me scared for a second"

"sorry about that" Lily chuckled at the turn of events not knowing what to do know.

"So, were do you wanna meet?"

"Where do you live?"

Lily Knew she was going too fast but in that moment she couldn't care less. Seeing Jess so openly in love although he wouldn't admit it even to himself, made her realize she wanted this, she wanted to fall, and boy was she falling.

When she arrived to Eliza's she opened the door quickly with a big smile on her face.

"hi" Eliza said, but before Lily could answer she got her by the waist and pulled her in the house and into her arms, kissing her passionately afraid Lily would change her mind if she had too much time to think.

Lily responded eagerly kissing her back and shutting the door with her foot, making Eliza giggle in the kiss for the big cliché.

Eliza didn't have her shoes on or her jacket; she was comfortably wearing a pair of tight jeans and a red t-shirt. Red looked good on her and she knew it perfectly, so half of her wardrobe was filled with red clothes. Only when they kissed both noticed she was slightly taller than Lily, and a less confident too.

The forceful kiss she gave her made Lily confident enough to realize she wanted her, and this encouraged her to be herself. Eliza on the other part was very timid, and she used all her strength in that kiss, now she wasn't kissing but being kissed, and she was the one nervous.

Lily slipped her fingers beneath Eliza's shirt, caressing the skin on her stomach and she softly moaned at the contact as she slipped Lily's jacket off her. Lily broke the kiss to take the jacket herself and leaving Eliza too much time that went filled with awkwardness.

"Do you wanna have a drink?" She said hesitantly as she saw Lily put her jacket on a chair. She then turns over and Eliza could see the hunger in her eyes.

"No"

"Thank god" Eliza said giggling as she threw her arms over Lily and dragged her to the bedroom.

That was the moment when awkwardness left the building for the rest of the night. And they both spent it awake in bed, talking, getting to know as much as they could of each other, making love, sometimes tender, sometimes rough, always full of confidence and laughs.

The morning after, Lily entered the café with a big grin and dreamy eyes. Rory looked up from the book she was reading in the counter and knowing yesterday was the big date immediately understood and smiled widely to her friend.

"Well well someone got laid yesterday…"

Lily giggled and jumped across the place.

"Ohhh you've got it bad…"

Lily stopped jumping and looked pointedly at Rory with one eyebrow highly raised

"Well look who's talking"

Rory couldn't help but blush and look at the counter as Lily laughed. In that moment Jess entered the café and Lily spoon over to look at him, Jess backed up a little startled and then smiled.

"You got laid!"

"You have no idea…"

Jess shook his head still smiling and walking in Rory's direction

"Nice… " He kissed Rory and started getting stuff to prepare breakfast "So, is she good?"

"oh you have-"

"No idea, yeah yeah I got it. I bet my girl's better" He said smiling at Rory who blushed, but tired of being the naïve one and never getting into the sex jokes she adventured herself.

"yeah you better believe it" She suddenly said looking at Lily and leaving Jess completely shocked and to be honest a little turned on.

"Theres no way youre better than my girl. You know she does this thing with her hands.." Lily said leaning on the counter and moving her hand trying to make Rory blush, but instead she leaned closer to lily and said suggestively

"Wanna give it a shot Lil's, see what you're missing?" There was a sudden noise of plates dropping in the kitchen and Jess swearing to himself

"That's my girl!" Lily yelled proud of her friend's new talking skills, as she high fived her. And a second later she was serious again. "But seriously, Eliza is so much better.

Rory shrugged still smiling and spoon over herself in the direction of the kitchen "Your loss…"

She left lily laughing hysterically in the café and as she entered the kitchen Jess got her in his arms and kissed her passionately

"You're not getting away after that little show" he said hoarsely between kisses. Rory giggled and threw her arms around him.

"Breakfast is gonna take longer Lil!" Rory yelled as he worked on her neck.

"Hey! No sex in my kitchen table! If you're gonna do it use the floor!"

"Okay!" Rory yelled happily and Lily laughed as she turned the music louder to prevent costumers from hearing anything.

--

Two weeks later Rory was reading in the counter, as Lily and Eliza were seating in a table of the café, holding hands across the table, and talking as Lily caressed her hand with her thumbs.

A fairly beautiful girl entered the café. Rory had seen her before, walking pass by and looking through the window inside. She walked determined to Rory, and Lily looked at her suspiciously.

She seated on the counter and smiled at Rory, but her eyes had something, anger, evil, and Rory felt uncomfortable.

"Can I have a coffee please?" she said with a smile.

Rory smiled back nervously and poured her a coffee.

"Thanks. So I've seen you've been here for not too long right?"

"Four months actually"

"Oh my mistake. See I've been gone for a while. But now I'm back to reunite with and old… friend" She stressed the last words trying to make her understand there was something else with the person she wanted to meet.

"Oh, good for you"

"Yeah, do you know Jess Mariano?" she said raising her eyebrow as she sipped on her coffee.

"Actually I do, he's my boyfriend"

Immediately this girl laughed bitterly at her.

"Yeah right, how old are you?"

"I dont think it's any of youre concern" She knew she was younger than jess and obviously than this woman, and she felt way too naïve in her presence.

"Look sweetie, I'm only here to warn you so you don't get hurt. Mariano does not have girlfriends; he has girl friends, and many of them if you ask me. Do you think he's gonna leave his playboy live for a small town girl?"

Rory glared at her. she knew she was trying to hurt her with her words, and she hated to admit it was working, as this woman was voicing her own fears. But seeing Rory didnt quite believe her, she decided to push her buttons a little more.

"I must admit, you're kind of her type though"

"Excuse me?"

Was then when this woman decided to stab the last and final knife, full on the heart. She placed her coffee on the counter and talked seriously at her.

"You know what he really loves as an entertainment is taking young girls who are knew here and 'show' them around, you know what I mean? He love's it when they are virgins too…" She could see Rory's little frame froze and she realized she just hit the right button. She looked pointedly at her and smiled evilly at her "Don't tell me you let him deflower you… man he must have had a blast." She tasted this moment as she saw Rory Shattering there with her tough face no one believed.

She stood up ready to leave not after leaning a little on the counter and wishpering to her.

"Look I know it for experience. He did it to me too. And Know he´s probably bragging about it with his two buddies at the bookstore, rating how good you are in bed and laughing at your naïve mistakes. Get away from him, before he destroys you"

With that she left the café. She was speaking in a friendly tone, as she was trying to help her, and even that Rory Knew she was trying to hurt her for some reason, in the back of her mind she couldn't help but think it was true. As her world was falling down, she couldn't help but feel stupid. For all the kisses she gave him, for all the nothings she whispered in his ear. She started shaking in her spot, as she imagined Jess laughing at the bookstore, and the shame was too much to bear in that moment

Lily saw Rory's face as the woman she clearly knew left the café and she rushed over her to demand what was going on, but Rory noticed and tried to save the rest of pride she had left, if there was any.

"Rory what's going on-"

"I think I need to go home, I have some stuff to do. Can you take over the rest of the day?" she said as she busied herself gathering her things, trying to hide her expression from Lily.

"Yeah sure… Are you sure you're ok?"

"Peachy" It was all she could manage to say as she passed through Lily full of anger and hurt.

--

Jess rushed over the stairs of Rory's building full of worries. He knocked on the door and as he could hear noises inside he pushed the door, knowing it would be open.

He walked slowly through the house until he reached the living room. Ben Harper was sounding softly and Rory was giving him her back. She was wearing a loose and ripped shirt, and some shorts. Her hands were filled with red paint as she was writing in the wall.

Big red words decorated the principal wall, where she wrote all the important stuff. She had covered some of the writings with this red ink, since the writing as big and messy.

_The heart was made to be broken_

Oscar Wilde, This could not be good, Jess though. She noticed he was there, and not even letting her hand down she turned her head and glared at him. What he saw broke his heart in million pieces. She was crying.

"Just leave" She said it in a whisper,she couldn't manage to talk, still amusing herself as this was the first time Rory Gilmore could recall crying.

It was the first time she remembers feeling emotional pain, so much it physically hurt.

"Rory no… tell me what happe-"

"please" She was still whispering, but a frantic Jess could hear it as he saw a big tear drop out of her eye. He swallowed a lump he had in his throat and nodded.

As she heard the soft click of her front door Rory let her brush fall. Breaking down sobbing she repeated the events of this past four months over and over in her head until it hurt and she could not find a moment in their 'relationship' that would tell her this girl was wrong.

They never called each other girlfriend or boyfriend, or a couple for that matter. They never talked about their relationship and Rory begins to wonder if there was a relationship at all. Love was obviously out of the question and she let the fact set in her head, as she told to herself that she had to admit, this time, the cruel joke was on her.


	11. Wolves shake beneath

Ok eleventh is up!

I think I´m gonna stop writting this soon, seing this fic is not very popular here, but hey for being my first fic, its been fun ^__^

Again, if you like R&R

---

It was times like these when true fears show. When you discover if the person in front of you is as strong and careless as they appear to be, or if the entire act is just a frightened wolf, hidden beneath many lambskins. Unfortunately, the second case appears to be true more that we wish it would, because no matter how we try, no one is careless, no one oblivious to the rest of the world. No matter how hard we try to keep our ears shut, we will always hear whatever is willing to come out of each other's mouths, whether it hurts or flatters.

Rory Gilmore was no different in these terms. She though nobody could hurt her, because she was numb, because whatever people had to say about her wasn't something she wouldn't thought before, and she thought that in the end it didn't really matter to her. But boy how much it hurt when she saw that girls face, how she was enjoying every stab she was causing into Rory's heart. And the worst of all pains she could feel, was when she could perfectly see Jess laughing about her, having a life she didn't fit in at all.

So in the end she figured that her first try into the real world, though had taught her a real lesson, it also showed her she didn't belong here, and the most important thing, that she much rather be invisible. After all she wasn't sad when she was invisible.

She tried the rollercoaster of emotions for the past four months: Happiness, extreme happiness, pleasure, and hurt, painful delirious hurt inside, that made her bones ache and her skin crack. She decided it wasn't worth it, so a new plan was coming. Get rid of the old, start something new. She only had to go to the café to tell lily she was quitting, and then look for something new, if possible not related with coffee or books, in the other side of the city.

--

Jess entered Lily's café, like a doomed ghost. Lily Knew instantly. She had called him the moment Rory left fearing something was wrong, but this was only confirming it.

He stood by the closed door with his eyes looking at the floor, slowly raising his gaze and breaking Lily's heart in the process. Glassy eyes met widened ones as she rushed by his side to lead him to a table.

"She doesn't want to see me again" It was almost an audible whisper, and Lily had to listened very carefully to get what he was saying.

"I don't know what happened, she looked so… broken. What did I do wrong Lil?" He was pleading know. Asking for an answer that she was dreading to give him.

"Jess… Meredith was here. She talked to Rory"

Jess looked up immediately, first confused, and then angered.

"What did she say to her?"

"I don't know, but looking at Rory's face as she did… nothing good."

"I have to talk to Rory, she has to know the truth"

"And what is the truth Jess? Wasn't she right if she told her about your past? You have to understand how Rory feels. At least give her some time to digest"

"No! She has to understand this is not the same, she's not like the others, she special!"

She smiled at her friend eagerness to make everything right, and adventured herself to push him just a little.

"Then you will know you're gonna have to be completely sincere, understand that? No more walls Jess, or you will lose her."

"If I didn't already" He said rushing to the door.

--

She took the longest walk ever. She doesn't remember how long she has been out, but she left in the morning and now it was almost midnight.

Rory find kind of hard to let go, now that she had to. She got out of the house determined to go to Lil´s but once she was at the threshold of her building door she found it hard to move her feet, and she walked the opposite side in the end.

The fact that she wouldn't be able to call Jess when she got home made her heart ache, and her feet move faster, away from home. But in the end she though he would probably have moved on, and was peacefully seated in his chair, listening to the doors and editing some paper.

"You're doing it all wrong my dear" a weak voice came from the dark as she was about to climb the stairs to her apartment.

"Ikra?" The old landlady was seated in a old wooden chair, rocking it slowly with her feet.

"You got it all wrong, and you're too weak to realize"

"What are you talking about?" She seated by her side looking at her strangely.

"Sweetie, no one has all the answers, and those who think they do, like you, are only fools"

"I don't think I have all the answers" She was sort of offended and flustered by the old lady.

"You do. You think you know what people think and feel, but you'll have to learn a human heart is something very difficult to read my dear." She looked at Rory with a pointing look and a sweet smile.

"You see, the concept of beauty, attraction, intelligence… those things are different inside everyone. And the way you think you know what he feels or who he thinks is better is the worst mistake you'll ever make. Because one must not look into the others surroundings to know the truth, one must look into the other's eyes, and see the ocean of emotions inside. Remember every saint has a past, as every sinner has a future"

Rory smiled lightly at her, understanding things are not always what they look like, and people are not plain and readable. Maybe Jess felt something more for her than what he felt for the woman at the café, and although she couldn't comprehend why would he prefer her to a beautiful intelligent woman, she let that to him to reason.

"Huh, I think I read the wrong Oscar wilde's quote" She said now smiling, and feeling so much lighter. She kissed Ikra's cheek before she walked up the stairs.

When she got to her apartment door she found Jess seated against the wall across her door. She smiled a little and felt a little nervous, ready to seek for the ocean in his eyes.

She seated in front of him, looking in his eyes. He raised his gaze to look at her and he had what could only be defined as the saddest expression ever. She looked intently into his eyes, and he let her watch, with no walls built up.

"Do you wanna be with me?" she asked. It was simple and it didn't hold tricks beneath. He couldn't lie to this, as he could perfectly say no and leave. He simply nodded.

"I wanna be with you too" She said smiling calmed. His eyes softened into sweetness and he offered a hand. She took it and place herself between his legs on the floor, as he wrapped his arms around her, first softly and then tightly, like he was afraid to let go. She could only let a breath she had been holding since that awful afternoon at the café.

"Rory?"

"Mmm?"

"I love you"


	12. Razor

Alrighty, new chapter. It took me forever but you know i´ve been deciding wheter or not keep writting this. I just wanted to thank everyone who reviewed me in the last chapter so: Thank you so fucking much!

dont let me down and review this new one too!!!

----

They've been there for twenty minutes now. Candles had been lit, music had been turned on and his patience had been drifting away.

He said the big words to her. He never said those words before, not even to his parents, not to any other than his dog, and that was when he was ten. But to him she seemed oblivious to his confess, and it was itching in a desperate way. He could wait, because it was well known she is not confident with emotions and everything of this kind was knew to her, but hell, this step was new to him too and he had been left alone in the dark.

He didn't know if she liked it, or if she dreaded, but right now it only seemed that she didn't give a damn and frankly, he was a little bit tired of this pull but never push game.

His anxious state came to a point of no return when the stereo on the floor played "razor" by Foo fighters, and he listened to the lyrics as if they were talking to him, Hell it even looked like Dave Grohl was reading his fucking mind and was trying to reassure him to calm down.

_Wake up it's time_

_We need to find a better place to hide_

_Make up your mind_

_I need to know I need to know tonight_

Damn true. He didn't know himself until tonight how strong his feelings for this girl were, but right know he couldn't spare a single second trying to figure out when this started to happen or if this was right. Right know he needed to know this was for something and he wasn´t just throwing his heart into the sink. _God I do need a better place to hide…_

_Patience my dear_

_We could spend a lifetime waiting here_

_Maybe this time_

_I hope I get the chance to say goodbye_

He could wait forever for her, but he just had the feeling she just wasn't as much into the relationship as he was, and he was kinda fed up with it. After all he's never been the kind to beg for love, frankly it always seemed the other way around, and know that he was on the other side of the mirror he didn't like it one bit.

She paced around the living room aimlessly, ordering papers, picking books from the floor, everything that she could get her hands into just to stop her mind from racing because it simply was starting to give her a headache. Her mind was in loop with the same train of thought over and over again.

_He said he loves me. Love. He loves me. He loves me? Why would he? What's the meaning of love? Am I in love? He loves me? There's nothing that could be hidden under those words, I don't have money, I don't have anything he could use, we already crossed the line physically, several times… Did he love me when we were having sex? Was he making love to me?_

She tried to remember one of those magical moments in the bed, trying to figure out if he loved her then. She could remember caresses, lazy thoughts whispered in her ears, her hair softly stroked, lovingly embraces… Love._ I'm in love. Shit…_

_I can't be in love with him. There's just so much I need to know about him, his past, his thoughts, what he wants for the future, am I included?_

She couldn't help but feel stupid at this last thought, of course she's not included, who does she think she is? But then again he said he loved her. And back to the hopeless train of thoughts. She just keeps thinking not noticing what she was doing to Jess and his anxious mind.

She was gathering some papers from the couch when she felt a strong force around her wrist. She turned to look at Jess hands gripping tightly on her arm and his death glare, trying to lighten but failing miserably.

"We need to talk before I leave"

"Leave?!" She said a little too anxious, and this relieved Jess in a way.

"Please, talk to me before is too late"

"You love me" she stated looking as a matter of fact but being only disbelief.

"Yes"

"Why?" He was a little stunned by her question, as he began to see the defeat in her eyes, and the 'im-not-good-enough-and-you're-gonna-leave' look in her cerulean scared sight.

"Because I find peace when you're near. Like if everything was perfect, a puzzle that composes itself back together when I see you, and breaks in a million pieces when you leave" He wasn't planning on saying such a sappy thing, he planned to stay mad and throw into her face she didn't love him, but his mouth worked itself into those words that didn't even crossed his mind. It took Rory five complete minutes to regain her thoughts before she could speak.

"You're in love"

"Yes"

"Can you picture your future without me?"

"No"

"You answered too quickly, you didn't try to picture your future"

"I've been trying for weeks now, always failing to take you out of the picture"

Her eyes teared up a little, as her smile grew by seconds, calming Jess's heart

"I'm in love" She said out loud, knowing she'd been saying that to herself for the last twenty minutes.

"With cookies?" he said trying to lighten the mood, smiling broadly now.

Instead of the playful slap in the arm he was expecting, Rory quickly positioned herself over him in the couch, straddling him as she kissed with all she had.

He was a little taken aback by her actions not expecting such force and lust in her moves, but as she introduced her tongue kinda roughly into his mouth he lost all train of possible thought and gripped his hands into her neck and her hair as he kissed her back.

As she let a loud moan escape her mouth into his, he cupped her ass to take them both into the bedroom. He let her fall in the bed and she didn't lost a minute as she took of his shirt while he bent down to kiss her forcefully to get more of those delightful moans, and getting a granted success.

This wasn't normal. It wasn't sweet either, or tender. It was full of love and their bodies moved as one, knowing what made each other itch. But still this was different. Full of want, lust. It was rough. And both were enjoying the excitement of such thing in the comfort of confidence they had in each other.

Jess nearly ripped Rory's shirt to take it out of her body as he lowered to work on her neck. Kissing and biting, making appear the biggest hickey he's ever seen in the plain milky skin of her throat. She bitted his shoulder to bare the pleasure this was causing her, making a permanent mark in his skin and he barely noticed the pain between so much pleasure.

She let a frustrated groan as the rage of lust was building inside of her, and she wrapped Jess's body with her legs trying to get closer and closer. He could tell she liked this new side of sex, and he couldn't help but enjoy the pleasures of teaching with her when it came to sex. This time was no different and if she wanted rough that's what she was gonna get.

In a smooth movement he gripped both her hands and raised her arms over her head forcefully as he rocked over her, making the biggest pleasure out of so much friction in the right parts of their bodies. She let a bigger moan out as she raised her head, exposing the front of her neck and he took the opportunity to begin what was gonna be sucking and licking and ended up in big bite in the center of the throat. She was screaming his name now, the most beautiful song filling his ears, and making his arousal as bigger as it will ever be. He smiled between kisses in the ear as he hears her pleadings, desperate for more. He slipped his tongue in her ear lustfully and her back arched in an impossible position, his name always in her lips.

The opportunity this new acrobatic position gave him couldn't be missed and he drove his hand rapidly into the inside of her pants. One finger, two, three… "Jess!"

The perfect release

The panting, erratic breathings, coming down to earth, a tender kiss in the lips, in his chin, in his closed eyes, his forehead, his ear, his neck… lips, tongue, teeth, moans, grunts and everything went back to the beginning.

She drove her hands through his body as he caressed her face, and a lazy and devil smile was planted in her face when she could feel his arousal, still there, still strong. She gripped it tight through the pants and he moaned just by her ear, as he let his head fall.

She unbuttoned his pants and tossed them aside as she let her hands wonder inside his boxers, slowly and almost painfully, watching the rollercoaster of emotions play in Jess face, and she came to the conclusion that this was the most pleasuring thing she has ever tried: to see her boyfriend surrender at her touch in such cloud of perfect pleasure. Seeing his face made all the fears of other girls and all those kinds of thoughts that wondered in her mind for such a long time, disappear in a few seconds. She felt loved, sexy, and all the courage of the world build up inside of her, and she just wasn't getting enough.

With no second thought she pushed herself down the bed, as she was still under him and he was supporting his weight with his arms. He opened his eyes when he noticed the movement beneath him and looked at her.

"Rory what are y- oh fuck"

She didn't give him time to think as she gave him her first blowjob. She was surprised at the feel of it at first, but wasted no time in processing everything because honestly this was feeling pretty good and hearing Jess screaming all kinds of things made her arousal even bigger. She couldn't help but giggle when she noticed his legs shaking and falling by her sides, and this made her mouth drive him as crazy as he's never been. He find the courage to look down, just as she opened her eyes to look at him, her hands gripping, her mouth sucking and he found himself too close to the edge, but he didn't want her to discover too much too soon, so he drove her back up, beneath him and kissed forcefully in the mouth.

"You're fucking amazing" was all he could say as he kissed all the parts of her head. When she reached his ear, she mimicked his previous movement as she slipped her tongue inside of it. Wrapping her legs over his waist she whispered in his ear.

"Please, Fuck me"

"Yes m'am" he said in a hoarse whisper as he smiled in her neck, he slipped his arm beneath her left leg to raise it higher as he pushed himself inside or her, and she could only grip the sheets tight as she moaned loudly.

One minute, two, three, and a total of fifteen they spent doing the roughest dance over her bed until they both got their releases and fell tired as hell on the bed.

Laughing, and trying to gather their breaths they hold on to each other, as both their heartbeats came to s low pace.

Once they were both calmed he sited on the bed to gather the sheets and cover them both since it was getting chilly. He covered her body lovingly with a lacy in his eyes and she couldn't help but voice her feelings one again.

"I love you"

His smile grew as he lowered herself beside her, and threw an arm over her stomach beneath the sheets, burying his face in the crook of her neck and kissing it slowly

"I love you too, Ror"


End file.
